Loser

Ever feel like a loser? I do. Patrick Mead does too and writes good stuff here about it. Got me thinking.
I remember these sweet sweatpants I made in home ec class in grade 9 and wore to high school all the time – I truly was a loser. Leah probably remembers how much of a loser I was, and my only solace is that I have memories of the sweet hairdoes she had, being lucky enough to be a female in the “big bangs” 80’s days, not saying she was a loser – just that she had cool hair. I’ve mostly recovered from my high school days… but sometimes I wonder if I really have changed much.

In my lower moments over the past while I’ve thought about just how little my list of good friends is. It sometimes seems like if my incredible wife or I didn’t invite people into our lives we could kind of float by in isolation…. not really being noticed. That’s in my lower moments of course. I’m not writing this so that you will leave me an encouraging comment saying you are my friend – it’s okay – I’m not that depressed. (although Chelsey you better leave one or I’ll never forgive you and our friendship will be ruined – Jeremy you can just take me out for lunch some time, and Heather & Harmony, as my sisters you are obligated to say something nice – an email would be fine).
It’s just that I think we all feel pretty disconnected sometimes. One of the great things about being married is that some of that disconnection is balanced out by the other person, and some of the depressing thoughts are cleared out, called stupid, or just listened to, but still I think I’m likely safe to assume most of my acquaintances feel like losers sometimes too.

It’s all more proof for me of the need for a intentional push for community, even though true community sometimes seems to be an elusive thing. I also know that giving up on pushing outward won’t help at all – that just makes me more depressed.
I’m not sure what the point of this post is – it’s a bit more “diary like” than usual and that’s not really the reason “YI BLOG”, but perhaps just the encouragement to push out – I’m betting your friends and family appreciate it.

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7 Responses to Loser

  1. John says:

    Hey Tim, I definetly get what you’re saying. I not only feel like a loser I was a loser for the first like 18 yrs of my life at least. My only friends for years were the Hardy Boys and it turns out they don’t even exist. You probably think I’m joking, I wish I was. I especially think it must be difficult for you and Tara though, living in Yellowknife, as beautiful as it is and as great of a church as you seem to have it is very isolated and can at times I’m sure make you feel very cut off. Which is another great reason to blog. I’m sure thankful that you do though because I feel like I’ve gotten a friend back.

    Looking forward to Friday, although, hmm, what will I say, hmm.

    John

  2. ANONYMOUSLY SMELLY says:

    Tim, If ever in doubt…I love you you…but video games are second….ok maybe third cause I have a wiffe that I love number 1. Oh I’m supposed to love God #1…SO I guess that puts you down on around number 5 or six on the I love list…Oh wait my parents, and my wifes parents…and I really like sour candy…Well leys just say your in my TOP 100 Love list

  3. chelsey says:

    no worries tim, friendz 4-eva. just a couple of days ago i was actually going to comment on the little clique that seems to have formed by you and blair and dave and possibly even john always mentioning each other on your blogs. but then ~i~ got a reference. and it was sweet. i feel like i’m in now. “in” on a blog clique. how’s that for being a loser?

  4. Leah says:

    My bangs rocked. you know it!

  5. Tim says:

    Chels… I’ll try to mention you more often… cliques are great to make us feel better as we make others feel worse… that was why dave wanted to start the “mention me all the time on your blog” group anyway.

    Leah – your bangs were positively bodaciuos.

    Anonymously smelly – my stinkiest friend from yellowknife is Paul – thanks for the kind comments – as long as I’m on the list I’m good – whoever you are maybe we can get together and eat stinky sour candy sometime.

    Hardy boys=classics. Sometime I’m going to buy the series on EBAY.

  6. Heather says:

    Did you actually make those pace-setters?! The black and gold ones are the only ones that come to mind for me:) They were sweet.

    From one loser sibling to another

  7. Tim says:

    The one’s I was talking about were just regular grey sweatpants… but I forgot about the pacesetters, however those might have actually been cool, because Mark Grasley wore them, and he wasn’t a loser. I remember being jealous cause he seemed to have about 25 pairs, all the different colours. Can we talk about your bangs too sister? It might make Leah feel better.

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